Category Archives: Wants

Want: Alligator Related Crap.

Since I have a terrible swine flu sore throat today, and all I feel like doing is whining, instead, I am going to leave you with a long awaited “Want” post.

I know. It’s been awhile.  So, if you have no idea what a “Want” post even is: Go here first.  As always, hover the mouse over pictures for my stupid comments insightful insight.


So, after learning I was finally going to give birth to a boy-child, I realized that I’d better figure out what these small, foreign creatures with dangling bits and boy-hormones actually  like.

Apparently the answer is this: Boys like things that can kill them.

Giant prehistoric reptiles, killer space robots, huge trucks that breathe fire and have tires the size of my garage, evil slime monsters and little plastic men with very large guns. These are just a few of the things I found that were specifically aimed at young boys.

Even baby boys.

Seriously. You would not believe how many alligator related things there are aimed at infant males.  Don’t people know that actual alligators have like, teeth? And will eat you?

Apparently there is some alligator overlord plot to convince young, bite sized children that alligators and crocodiles are in fact cute and cuddly, and all they really want is to be your friend:

Don't let his squishable cuteness fool you kids. He could still eat your face. Ok, *I *WANT him.

(OMG! HIM TOO)

Technically, this may be a dog toy. See how they try to make the face-eating monsters all cute and cuddly? Down with the alligator overlords!

It's trying to camaflauge itself as an ottoman from the 70's but don't be fooled. This one is less cute, but it’s teeth are still deceptively absent.  DON’T believe it kids! He wants to eat your toes!

That's right, give me all your money, nice and easy, and no one gets hurt. He’s pretending to smile and look all innocent, but really, he just wants your kids money. Or his brains.

"You want me to put my kids head WHERE?"Because what’s safer than resting your head on a shifty-eyed alligators face? Check out the red guy. He is so eating you in your sleep. And I think the other one is actually licking his lips.

I would so chase people around the house with this if I were a little boy. At least this time, we have some honesty.


And finally…there’s this:

This is mostly only here for it's "What the fuck?" factor. (I think it’s a chair.)

I have no snarky comments for this. Hell, I have no WORDS for this.

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Want: Geek Shirt Edition

There’s a million and twelve weird T-shirts out there, but these are my favorites of the week, in no particular order:

I'm so ninja I can disquise myself as a shark.I especially enjoy the Aahh! on this one! In case you forgot what you are supposed to say here.

What do you mean this is sold out? Aahh!For previously explained reasons, I need a Tanooki shirt. Yes, NEED.

Look! It's the Evil Capitalist Overlord!This one should also be self explanatory, though if you read the comments on this, you’d know why the man would be the one wearing it and not I.

Yes! Yes!” Ok, here’s how we are going to do it…”

Fuck! I broke another axle!Yet another one from 80’sTees, but I just couldn’t resist. Most of you will get this, unfortunately, but only one of you will know why I find it so amusing at this particular moment in time.

We're off to see the...braiiiiiiiiiiiiiiins!Wizard Of Oz+Zombies=WIN!

Wait, let me check... Yep, I'm still a huge geek...I would SO be a virgin if I was a guy.What collection of geeky shirts would be complete without one involving Pi? Mmmm Pie.

That is all.

*As always, hoversnark enabled.*

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Want: Morbid Toys For Me.

Hover-Snark enabled. mouse over pictures for random stupid comments.

I know, it’s been so long since I have wanted stuff, and now all you are getting is weird toys for adults. Sorry. I can’t resist.

First up, I need this bear. I don’t know who invented him, or why, but apparently there’s a whole line of gloomy bears in all different colors and sizes. Yes. Really.

I’ll stick with the traditional goth-black one, with the inexplicably bleeding mouth and claws, though.

gloomy-bearAfter my gloomy bear is done asserting his dominance over the rest of my stuffed animals, (Including the Goomba, who is apparently a pussy anyway) I will set him in a place of honor on the dresser, next to this guy:

cardboard-skullI shall call him Fred.

And, during the day, when no one else is around,  I will stage full-scale battles between the kids’ Playmobil Pirates and MY super-cool skeleton pirates, who, by virtue of being skeletons, and therefore already dead, will always come out victorious.

Ninja's would kick their bony asses. I like how they all appear to be shrugging, but with weapons. These awesome guys are finger puppets too, so they are going to be twice as fun, though I’d need a set for each hand. Or perhaps, a set of ninjas for the other hand. Hmmn…

Moving right along.

ac4a_dismember_me_plush_zombie_combo2How can you not want to cuddle him? Seriously. there are no words to express my amusement here. Thinkgeek has done it again.

Last, but most certainly not least, what girl doesn’t need a “Frogmen V.S. a Giant Octopus!” set? Giant Radioactive Octopus, even. He even freaking glows in the dark.

frogmen-vs

How fucking cool is that?

As always, click the shamelessly stolen borrowed pictures to go buy stuff.

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Want: A Buch of Coats the Exact Same Color.

So, I was flipping through my Stylefeeder and I noticed that I have, oh, approximately four of what are essentially the exact same jackets listed. Well, OK, they are not exactly the same. Mouse hover over them to see the differences.

coat1

coat2

Lookout Neo! Here comes Pando!

coat4

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Want: Blocks

It appears I have gone from twelve to, oh, about four years old. You see, I have this strange urge to start collecting odd and unique wooden blocks of all shapes and sizes.  If I could afford to collect anything, these would be first up. Well, maybe after “Squishy Pillows.” (No, I admit, I only said that because I’m getting lots of google hits for that phrase lately)

I would love to have an entire wall of my house made completely of different wooden blocks.

Seriously. Valentines Day? Buy. Me. Blocks.

First up, these kid friendly ones:

Tell a story with blocks. For those days when you are super drunk and can't talk.

You can put them together and make little stories out of them. I may have to make a few of my own, but, just think of the fun you could have with story telling blocks! The man! Swam! Into the Tiger! And the Bird Rejoiced!

These look pretty fun as well:

City people!I especially love the expressions on the faces of these people. (I’m looking at you, mustache-guy) Think of the stories you could create by adding them to the ones above.

Then I discovered, to my delight, that they actually make blocks intended for grown-ups. I am not a freak! Hurray. Rejoice, and then buy these:

I am not alone in my block fetish. They are even Arty. And we all know how I feel about Arty.

Speaking of, check these out:

Arty AND antique. Score! I really really love these things.  The words you see there are excerpts from a 1960’s phonics book that no one understands. Obscure books=win.

Every picture is clickable,  and all roads lead to Etsy this time. And, that was intentional.  I am a huge fan of supporting individuals and independent artists, and Etsy is chock full of them. But, be warned, you may want to stock up on handmade kids stuff now, because if that law passes as is, many of these amazing artists will be forced out of buisiness. What am I talking about? Save Handmade. And while you are at it, save books too.

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Want: Weird Kitchen Stuff.

I don’t know why so many of my want’s involve odd kitchen items I probably will not ever use, but they do. I dream of gamer cutting boards and spatulas in the shape of fried eggs.

Yes, I AM really a 12 year old boy.

I wasn't kidding, these exist.I also enjoy, for some reason, these odd platters and trays. There’s just something about recycled street signs that make me want to eat off of them.

These cost HOW much? They are street signs!

If those aren’t in your price range, check these out:

I love a plate that isn't afraid to tell me how it feels.

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Want: Things to stick to my walls, Because I am Twelve.

A veritable metropolis for your wall.

So, how cool would my kid be if she got to have this on the wall behind her train table? I love how it kind of looks like a modern city, and kind of looks like a space invaders level.

Its going in the bathroom so I can poo in a fairy wonderlandI am not even kidding about the bathroom thing. I would totally paper the crapper with this.  I spend hours a day in there as it is, why not make it a little happier? I do rather wish there was a unicorn in the forest though.

Nothing says, "I'm a huge geek" than having this in the front room. Last, but by no means least, There is this stuff. I have no words for how thrilled I was when I first saw this stuff, and my first reaction was basically “Gimme!”. If Super Mario is not your thing, (Oh the blasphemy!) I’m pretty sure there exists a newer Mario, as well as possibly a Space Invaders motif.

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