This came on during NCIS last night and I had to save it to show the Man because it was just so weird. ” You, know, I think I’m actually offended by that.” he said. Seriously, who thought this shit up?
Tag Archives: WTF
I had a conversation this morning that went like this:
Me: Did the label for the automatic shower cleaner always say Not a body wash?
Him: I’d never noticed it before. He laughs.
Me: At first I was trying to figure out why we actually need such a warning all of a sudden. Then I really thought about it, and realized it might actually be a cool idea. You could fill it with that Old Spice shit that is a shampoo AND body wash, turn it on and then just spin around in the shower. Great for those days when you just can’t be bothered to soap your own ass up.
I tried to take a picture of the label for you but could not get focus. So, I tried to google image search it and came up with a blog post that talks about almost the exact same thing. Oh well.
If you have no idea what this stuff is for, consider yourself lucky. Also, you are about to be educated. After my last doctors appointment, I was presented with a package of fun tubes and slides, for another round of “What the fuck is wrong with you this week” testing. I was going to do this all in private, and tell no one about it ever, but then I read the instructions, and I couldn’t not share them with you. It would be wrong of me to keep this to myself.
So lets check out: “How to Collect Poo, in Eight Languages!”
Click to enlarge.
That sad face was also on the little vials. In case you feel the urge to drink the poo you have collected, please don’t, as it will make you make that face. I also like how they thoughtfully drew a little turd in the toilet illustration. Also, do not let small children play with Poo.
Feel free to enlarge that and read the list of ” Don’ts” My favorite is the one warning you not to shit directly into the tubes. In case you are confused about where you SHOULD shit, refer once again to the happy illustration for acceptable places.
Yes, that last one appears to be a bowl and a Tupperware container.
Fortunately, I had the foresight to ask for this thing this time around:
I highly suggest that should you ever have to do this in the future, you ask for one of those things. It seems to be called a “hat” for whatever reason. I did not get one of these last time and was left with a fun dilemma. Ended up going with trash bag over toilet seat, which I do not recommend.
All in all, it’s an extremely humiliating experience, but at least the instructions are entertaining.
The next person that asks me “How was your day?” is going to regret it.
Welcome to the wonderful world of “Shit the animals in my life have eaten.”This week
I’m sharing this with you because it is much better than telling you about my morning, which consisted of this:
And then an awesome hour of me holding my breath and trying not to simultaneously puke and shit myself. I know it sounds like a super fun night in some circles but trust me, this was anything but.
Anyway, on to the beasts. They may look innocent, but as we all know, looks can deceive.
Don’t buy how peaceful they all appear, for every single one of them is guilty.
Consider, exhibit A:
One day the big one, well, she just decided to eat the wall. For no apparent reason it seems, other than the fact that it was there.
And then there was the bed. We caught her laying on her back, all four feet in the air, with her head under the bed, just.. eating the box spring. WTF!?!
I think the most random thing they have eaten so far is the vent on the outside of the house:
There was once a hard plastic shield over this… we have no clue what prompted her to stand there and chew this off the side of the house.
Anyway, aside from my network cable,
…Toys are the favorite, hands down. We have to generally throw those away before the kid sees them and we are forced to hold little depressing toy funerals while the child weeps, so there not much photo evidence left. However, some are simply too good to toss. Witness, Princess Leia, minus her arms and feet.
Also, lest you think the cat was innocent, she has a thing for eating the feet, tails and heads off any of the millions of squishy bug toys the child brings into the house.
And then throwing up feet and heads in random places. Yum.
That is all.