Category Archives: Books, Television, Movies, Music and Other Popular Things.

Random Links: Twitter Edition

This is why I love Twitter. Just 15 minutes spent perusing my stream on any given day, and I’m gifted with such glorious links.

(I link some of the more random weirdness to my husband sometimes and he generally replies with ” Where do you FIND this shit?” Or, “I’m at work, stop sending me fishporn.”)

Whatever. You know you like it.

Anyway, without Twitter my life would lack such links as these:

Vampire Princess Leia

Inane celebrity Tweets dramatized.

David Carradine had ghosts in his closet.

Really, anything on this site is…wrong.

“I know everyone will suggest that f****** a pig is how this disease was obtained…

Does this idea make anyone else uncomfortable?

Amazing flood pictures. The roller coaster is the best.

I love this site. Also, I’d love some cake now.

Most links shamelessly pulled stolen my twitter stream. I don’t remember who posted what, so to be safe, just follow everyone I follow.

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NEW TV!!!!! (Or: Why 90210 Still Sucks)

*Spoiler warning*

I am beyond thrilled that the new television season has started. I know, it’s sad. But seriously. TV is awesome. With a few notable exceptions. For example:

90210

...still sucks.  They managed to  drag a “sext” out for three episodes. That’s three hours of my life spent watching Annie try to convince everyone she’s not really a slut, while actually being a slut. And I get that they are trying to illustrate her decline into bad girl-ism that was prompted by her drunken running over of the hobo from last season, but honestly, no one cares. And yet, I’m still watching.

Mostly because it gives me things to make fun of.

Melrose Place

Since 90210 apparently worked out so well for them, they decided to bring this gem back as well. And I admit, I watched the first series. ( I watched 90210 as well, but fuck if any of it was memorable enough for me to even recall more than the characters names and bad hairstyles.)

In other words, it’s about the same as it was before, which is to say: Not as bad as 90210. Mostly because there’s more murder and less “sexting” and whining.  While it’s not something that is in my first string of shows, or even my second string, I can see it being mildly entertaining. I kind of wish they’d get over the whole flashback thing though. I get that they are trying to connect the old show with the new show, but, really, why? No matter how much you mention that Michael helped Sydney fake her death in the past, most of us don’t care anymore. We are over it. Move on to the new drama.

Anyway…So far Vampire Diaries and Glee are my favorite new shows.  Glee is truly funny with likable characters, and Vampires Diaries is much less cheesy than I was expecting it to be. Yes, there are vampires in high school. So I was expecting more Twilight-ish, teenybopper drama, but it’s got enough of a plot to keep my interest for now. What can I say? I’m a sucker for a good vampire show.  (And no, I have not read the books.)

NCIS: LA was something I had high hopes for but the first episode didn’t do much for me.  NCIS was one of those shows where it took awhile to build up an understanding of the characters. I didn’t instantly relate to any of them right off the bat, but I will give them time to grow on me, because the original NCIS’ers sure did. (Although it helped that Tony was once in Dark Angel and Abby is awesome.)

The Good Wife was well written but probably poorly named, as it seemed to have more to do with her  doing lawyerly-type stuff and not so much wifely-type stuff. The whole humiliated politician’s wife thing is a premise that seems almost secondary to everything else. I understand they were probably trying to draw people in with the scandal of it all, being “ripped from the headlines” and everything, but that can only get us so far. I didn’t hate the show, but I don’t see it lasting long either. 

Mercy had potential. I liked the characters enough to ignore the fact that it’s yet another medical drama. They portrayed nurses more accurately than some of the other shows out there, which I appreciate also. 

Forgotten was neat, (but again- more of the same cop-show-meets-cold-case type drama that seems to be everywhere lately) though I feel it’s a bad omen that Christian Slater is the star, seeing as the last drama starring him lasted exactly 73 seconds.  I didn’t even get around to watching an episode before it was canceled.  Also, is the victim going to voice over the whole show, every time? Cause that could get annoying.

For clarification, my first string of shows refers to the shows I watch as they are on. Shows I am willing to even sit through commercials for. Second string are the shows I watch on the DVR  first, and third are those shows which I record, but don’t rush to watch. Fourth- shows that are  in a time slot where I  have to choose one NOT to record and will sometimes get watched online later or on DVD in the summer.

My first shows are generally: House, Bones, Grey’s Anatomy, and NCIS. Oh, and of course, Simpsons and Family Guy. And Lost, when it’s on.

Some second’s include: Gossip Girl, (I know. Shut up. Chuck Bass amuses me, O.K.? ) Lie To Me, Fringe, Desperate Housewives, Smallville, Criminal Minds,  The Mentalist, Brothers and Sisters, Dollhouse and Chuck, when it’s on.

90210, Melrose Place,  Law and Order SVU, CSI’s NY & Miami, Num3ers,  and most of the new shows are on the third tier.

Heroes has been relegated to 4th. I’m not even bothering this season, but I might watch the DVD’s at a later date.

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It’s all Over Rated

So, I wrote this post a while back, (in response to a post that went up over a month ago but I’m like six months behind on blog reading so shut up) listing the  things  that *I* think are over rated.

Then I totally wussed out and didn’t post it, because I realized that there’s probably something on this list that’s going to piss off all twelve of you and my mom.

And even though I tell people who know me in real life that they are not allowed to get angry at me for anything I write on my blog because it’s a blog and I’m probably full of shit or joking anyways, still.

People can’t help it, and when I have things on my list like breastfeeding and natural childbirth, I’m pretty much just asking to be sent nasty emails calling me an evil boob-hating-Office-phobe and having people show up on my doorstep prepared to give birth in my garden tub just to show me how empowering it really is. And I don’t feel like cleaning up after that.

(Do you know how hard it is to get placenta out of the drain?)

So then I thought maybe I would qualify some of my items. Like, maybe I’d explain in detail, how I think breastfeeding is great and all,  (and  i totally think you should be allowed to do it wherever and whenever you damn well please) but I don’t think nursing until your kid is twelve is going to guarantee that kid a spot in Harvard and the ability to speak 34 languages, including a few dead ones.

And, I’d point out that no matter what the formula-is-poison people say, my exclusively formula fed kid is healthy and happy and smart and actually healthier than the kids I DID breastfeed. Who, by the way,  both suck at playing Mozart and can’t conjugate verbs at all and have yet to be accepted into an Ivy League school.

Or, I could write a whole thing about how if Natural Childbirth is your thing then- Awesome! More power to you. You are a masochist stronger woman than I. But hey, I’ve actually tried it, and no amount of marketing can make me say it was  transcendent.  Ever. Or uplifting. Or even especially spiritual. To me, it was no more spiritual than any of my other births, and I actually felt less bonding with that child afterward because I was too busy focusing on the people sewing up my girl parts with no anesthesia and then passing out from the sheer exhaustion and trauma of it all.

But then I realized I was probably over explaining things, and maybe I should give you guys more credit. I’m allowed to have my opinions, right? So, to hell with it. Here goes:

<Hoversnark Enabled>

Mmm.

Breastfeeding.

Here we are. Being unfunny.

The Office.

(and by extension, Parks and Rec)

Go to your happy place! Think about baseball! Become one with your uterus.

Natural childbirth.

Could these things BE any uglier?


The Bumbo.

I prefer to LIVE in reality, thank you. (Ok, that may be a tiny bit of a lie)

Reality TV

"And I looked across the street, and THERE WAS A STARBUCKS!"

Starbucks.

Sure, it’s yummy. Is it worth five bucks a latte and all the hype? No.

"Look, I can't help the fact that they made me look like a huge, sparkly douchebag!"

Twilight.

Yes, I have read the books and seen the movie. Along with a million other vampire stories. Why is this one so special? They sparkle, for fuck’s sake. And the guy that plays Edward in the movies is really rather weird-looking.

La Vida Meh

Coldplay

Yeah, I said it.

" Sorry, I don't speak to the help."

Rachael Ray

She recently asked my friends mom- who is a flight attendant and was trying to take her drink order- “Do you know who I am?” and then announced that she “Didn’t talk to the help,” and that the flight attendant should take the drink order and address any other questions via her assistant.

Dude, you’re a cable TV chef and your books are next to Paula Deen’s. Get the fuck over yourself.

"But I'm a LOVABLE serial killer."

Dexter

Because it needs to be said, again.

Ooo. Shiney,

The IPhone

Just because I haven’t pissed off the tech geeks yet. And because I’m jealous that I don’t have one.

(Is there an app for that?)

"Look, its got pretty colors on it!"

Macs

See above.

My apologies to you, you, you and you. I love you even if you watch the Office and want to give birth in the forest with a badger while sitting in a Bumbo with Rachael Ray as your doula, O.K.?

Oh, for the record- here’s a few things I think are underrated.

Just watch it.

30 Rock.

Mmmm. Pie.

Pie

It's a SPOON and a FORK.

Sporks

I put this together, and I hope that it doesn't fall apart the second I put the kid in it.

Baby Swings

Best. Invention. Ever.

Yeah, I am so not an attachment parent.

Shut up and TRY it already.

Hummus

Robot sex is wrong.

Science Fiction

Killer sex robots, ya’ll. Come on.

"Quick, someone save Jon Stewart, he's our most important Jew!"

Jon Stewart

All news should be broadcast by this man.


The Bloggess Army

Because we’re awesome, assholes.  Or awesome assholes. Either way, it works.

Someone make me a pie already.

Pie

I want to see a site called "LOLBADGER!" immediately.

Badgers

It may be green, but its still awesome.

Guacamole

Anything can be glued to anything,  it's ART, people.

Decoupaging

Gluing shit to other shit  and covering it with glue is the shit!

I know I had more, but I think I need to go eat something now.

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As a country, don’t we have better things to do?

I  wasn’t going to comment publicly on the spectacle that has been the death of Michael Jackson. I really wasn’t.  When the 24 hour news networks were running stories about Jon and Kate and their divorce, I let it go. I’m being all Zen like and  thinking as though  I am a duck. All this is just water, rolling off my back. I did not let the anger get inside. The annoyance, at how, we as a country, appear to care more about our celebrities and faux celebrities than we do about, oh, say, war.

( Which, hey, by the way, is still going on.) I try to avoid watching the 24hour spew networks anyway for a myriad of reasons, the least of which is their tendency to push real issues to the back burner. As I saw, when i mistakenly flipped over to headline news sometime during the week of this latest freakshow.  People sobbing and crying and going on and on about what a wonderful person this man was while the ticker along the bottom brings news of soldiers dying in other places, actual heroes, dead, and as usual relegated to a 13 second nameless ticker mention.

I tried to let this go, tried to think zen like thoughts. Tried to be the duck. And then they started talking about what a wonderful inspirational icon the man was, and though he was a bit “quirky” the world had lost a treasure. At this point,  I started to lose it a little bit inside.

Um, seriously. People? The word you are looking for is not “quirky” nor is it “eccentric”. It is “pedophile”.

Are we that screwed up, that we all can’t see how insane it is to hold 24 hour tributes to this person, bury him as though he was royalty and just gloss over that whole phase in his life where he was paying kids off for having exposed himself to them?

I mean, yeah, sure, he had some hits back in the day. He made some music. And made a spectacle of himself, and you know, we love spectacle, so it’s OK. (Besides, who hasn’t hung their infant out of a window lately?)

It’s sad for his family that he is dead I suppose. But we are expected to mourn as a nation, as a country, as a world- and just pretend like this guy was the greatest thing since sliced bread?

No thanks. I have better things to do.

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Random NIN JA pics

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Book Review: Two at a Time: Having Twins

Recently, I scoured my local library for books about twins. I’m desperate to get my hands on any information, because, let’s face it, I’m scared shitless. There are no local chapters of any twin parenting groups. I don’t even know anyone who has had twins. Nor am I able to find much on the internet that isn’t completely frightening. (I’ve already convinced myself that either one twin is going to vanish or they are going to get twin-to-twin-transfusion.)

So, I headed to the library with high hopes and a desperate need for information. And this was the ONLY book I could find in the pregnancy and medical issues section. But, based on the cover, it looked like exactly what I needed. It claimed to be about “The Journey Through Pregnancy and Birth”

It wasn’t until I got home and started reading that I realized that it was by Jane Seymour. (If you, like me, don’t recognize the name at first glance, she was an actress, the star on Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, a fact that is mentioned in just about every paragraph of this book.)

I’ll start gently here and say that overall this book was a lovely memoir-style account of her pregnancy with her beautiful twin boys. I’m sure they will enjoy reading it when they grow up. The rest of us, however…

I was looking for a practical guide to having twins. Medical tips and stories about twin pregnancy -and how it differs from singleton pregnancy- alongside tips about to deal with things like “What the hell do I do when they are both screaming?”
and ” How will I find time to take a shit?” and ” Will I ever sleep again?”

This book, while decently written, was completely unrealistic and unhelpful to the average, non-famous, non-wealthy person. In the beginning, when she talks about how she had a personal trainer to help keep her body in shape, I cringe. (There are sections with suggested exercises, which is about the only tidbit that might actually help the average person.)

When she talks about what to wear- which is an increasing concern for me, as regular maternity clothes don’t seem to be able to accommodate a twin belly- she discusses how her stylist helped keep her looking fabulous, and how the costume designer for her show would make her all of these handmade, tailored to her growing body outfits. That’s all well and good for her, but I’m going to be wearing muumuu’s here pretty soon.

Doctors hover at her beck and call, and her driver and ever attentive husband were there to cater to her every whim. Friends and fans and relatives sent her every possible item of baby gear she could imagine, and when she realized the bathroom off the room she “chose” for the nursery didn’t have a tub, only a shower, she had to “quickly get a bathtub installed” making sure it was wide enough to accommodate two children.

Seriously? Who lives like that? Most of us can barely afford our mortgages, let alone a quick last-minute remodel. We don’t choose our nurseries, we use whatever office, closet or hallway will fit them. If we have an emergency in the middle of the night, we go to the emergency room, our doctors do not come to work with us, nor are we able to afford to take blood pressure monitors and contraction straps home with us to monitor our pregnancies.

That last bit gets me the most.  I almost died from pre-eclampsia the first time around.  Having a monitor at home could have saved my life. But they just don’t give that stuff to normal people. You have to go to the doctor’s office or have someone check your blood pressure a few times a week and hope that you live through the days and weekends where it’s NOT checked.

In the real world, doctors don’t come to work with you, nor do they come to your baby showers. And, we have to actually buy all our baby gear ourselves. No one is going to do it for us. These kids are going to have a used, mismatched bedroom set, made up of whatever we can find on craigslist and at consignment stores. And then we have to pray that two cribs will even fit in the room we have to use for them.

I know I may sound like I am bitter because I don’t have the money and privilege that this woman had, but really, it’s just frustrating. I needed a book aimed at real people, with real solutions for real problems. Not something written by a woman who not only had a day nurse and a night nurse who did all of the twins night time feedings, apparently, but also had a special trailer at her work set up just for her kids, with a nanny, so she could work, but also have her children near her and well cared for.  Do you know how many people dream of having a job with onsite daycare for their children? That they don’t have to pay exorbitantly for? Do you have any idea how much the average person struggles to pay for daycare for even one child, let alone two??

Speaking as someone who can’t afford to work, with just one child, because I’d make less than it costs for daycare, this makes me want to scream. It’s wonderful for her, but not at all helpful for those of us who live in reality. I can’t afford a night nurse. I AM the night nurse. And what I need are practical tips for how to survive that without losing my fucking mind in the process.

In my opinion, this book should have been in the “memoir” section. While being a decently written, easy read, it’s not even remotely helpful for the average person expecting twins and looking for practical tips, guidance, and help.

Does anyone out there know of any books that ARE?

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Max Payne

I was all set to review Max Payne, and maybe make some snarky comments about how the Man thought that chick from that 70’s show was actually kind of hot in this movie, (a fact with which I actually I kind of agree)

But then it sucked so bad I lost my ability to speak, let alone type a coherent snarky review.

I wasn’t expecting much, to be honest. I mean, sorry, Marky Mark fans, but he’s just not…he’s just… wrong. Not a superhero. That 70’s show chick would have made a better superhero.

But I could have dealt with that, I mean, he did okay, but the plot was just… so bad.

So, so irredeemably bad.  So bad that I am at a loss for words. Me. Without snark. I can’t even make fun of the badness.

Let’s put it this way: I would rather watch 90210.

So, since I am on the subject… why the hell did that get picked back up?

No one, anywhere that I have seen or heard about or even heard rumors about has ever had anything nice to say about that train wreck of a show. I mean, yeah, of course I watch it, but  holy crap is it bad. And I’m not the only one who feels this way.

Every review I have read has been about how terrible the acting is, and how boring the plot is. Where is the OLD 90210 drama and excitement? For that matter, where are the characters we give a crap about? Annie is so selfish and vapid I kind of want to run her over with a truck. Or you know, watch her get humiliated, Carrie-style. Which I am sure will happen in season two, as they seem to be going through high school cliches in short order. Or wait, wasnt that the other boring-chick-with-the-fake-injuries prom story?

Whatever. I don’t even care. Anyway. My point is, please save my TV from bad media. Give me good TV and good movies.

Stop canceling the decent crap and forcing us all to watch reality TV and really terrible, shallow dramas about vapid, uninteresting twits. Stop trying to create an Idiocracy!

Specifically, don’t cancel Chuck.  Consider that a warning.

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