I hear people all the time, well, O.K, not hear, exactly, since I don’t actually talk to people in real life, but I see people all the time, talking about how clumsy they are.
You are not clumsy.
No. You are not clumsy. You may bump into things occasionally, or whatever. Fine. I grant you that. But, in a contest of who is the biggest klutz? I win.
What’s that you say? You would like me to elaborate? You would like me to share with you all those embarrassing stories of things I have done to myself over the years that prove just how accident prone I am? Why, sure! Anything for my readers.
First: I broke my ass.
Yes. I. Broke. My. Ass. And not doing any kind of cool extreme gymnastics or anything. I broke my ass taking out the trash. Granted, I was drunk, and I was wearing boots with four inch heels, but still. I broke my ass. When I finally got over the embarrassment, and went to get an x-ray, two days later, the doctor showed my, right on the big light box, how broken my ass really was.
As a side note, this was a few days before my wedding. Wearing a wedding gown and sitting on a ‘roid pillow. Hot.
Oh, well, you think, anyone can break their tailbone. Give us more.
I closed my hand in the garage door. Flattened three fingers.
Then about a week later, I dropped a five gallon bucket of paint on one toe.
When I only walk into, stub my toe on, and bruise my hips bumping into things, I consider it a good day.
Just this week alone, I grated my thumb in a cheese grater and spilled boiling water on myself.