Want: Alligator Related Crap.

Since I have a terrible swine flu sore throat today, and all I feel like doing is whining, instead, I am going to leave you with a long awaited “Want” post.

I know. It’s been awhile.  So, if you have no idea what a “Want” post even is: Go here first.  As always, hover the mouse over pictures for my stupid comments insightful insight.

So, after learning I was finally going to give birth to a boy-child, I realized that I’d better figure out what these small, foreign creatures with dangling bits and boy-hormones actually  like.

Apparently the answer is this: Boys like things that can kill them.

Giant prehistoric reptiles, killer space robots, huge trucks that breathe fire and have tires the size of my garage, evil slime monsters and little plastic men with very large guns. These are just a few of the things I found that were specifically aimed at young boys.

Even baby boys.

Seriously. You would not believe how many alligator related things there are aimed at infant males.  Don’t people know that actual alligators have like, teeth? And will eat you?

Apparently there is some alligator overlord plot to convince young, bite sized children that alligators and crocodiles are in fact cute and cuddly, and all they really want is to be your friend:

Don't let his squishable cuteness fool you kids. He could still eat your face. Ok, *I *WANT him.


Technically, this may be a dog toy. See how they try to make the face-eating monsters all cute and cuddly? Down with the alligator overlords!

It's trying to camaflauge itself as an ottoman from the 70's but don't be fooled. This one is less cute, but it’s teeth are still deceptively absent.  DON’T believe it kids! He wants to eat your toes!

That's right, give me all your money, nice and easy, and no one gets hurt. He’s pretending to smile and look all innocent, but really, he just wants your kids money. Or his brains.

"You want me to put my kids head WHERE?"Because what’s safer than resting your head on a shifty-eyed alligators face? Check out the red guy. He is so eating you in your sleep. And I think the other one is actually licking his lips.

I would so chase people around the house with this if I were a little boy. At least this time, we have some honesty.

And finally…there’s this:

This is mostly only here for it's "What the fuck?" factor. (I think it’s a chair.)

I have no snarky comments for this. Hell, I have no WORDS for this.


1 Comment

Filed under Wants

One response to “Want: Alligator Related Crap.

  1. WOW. Those alligators are majorly cute. But that chair? That’s just fucked up.

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