The Universe has Spoken.

So, I have this whole long droning post about discipline and spanking that I’d been mulling over for weeks, mind you, one that’s been prompted by the rash of links on Blogs and Facebook and Twitter-links to articles saying spanking will make your kid stupid and mean and give them a personality disorder. And I know posting it is totally going to get me blackballed and labeled a child abuser or whatever in some mom circles. So it should be fun.

(Spoiler- I don’t think spanking is child abuse.)

But that excitement is going to have to wait.

The universe says so.

In the form of the dog peeing on me. While I was sleeping. How can I resist this blog gold?

Answer- I CANT.

Picture if you will, a gigantically pregnant woman happily asleep when, Oh whats that? And why is my back  suddenly warm? And wet? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH.

Wherein, I jump out of bed, fling off the covers  and frantically rip the sheets off the bed in an effort to stop it from leaking through to the mattress, (because of course I don’t have the mattress pad on.) While naked. And pregnant.

(For the record, yes, I do everything naked these days. No one is home, and I’m pregnant. Clothes are UNCOMFORTABLE. Shut up. And you are welcome for THAT mental image. )

Meanwhile the poor dog-who probably had one of those dreams where you are peeing in a dream and then you wake up because you realize that peeing in a dream is NEVER, EVER A GOOD SIGN- is cowering, with his legs crossed and pee trickling down one. Giving me this look that is part shame and part “Let me the fuck out already, did you NOT GET THE MEMO?”

So of COURSE I had to post this on Facebook . I mean, after I threw let the dog out. And washed the sheets. And my back.  And yes, ok, at this point I have put clothes on. Well, it’s more like a smock or muumuu or something, I wouldn’t call it clothes-but-I digress.

And of course everyone was totally sympathetic.

That’s what LMFAO means right? Sorry you got pee’d on? I’m a little behind on my internet lingo, but I think that’s right.

Oh, So then I get a call from my husband. Who was hanging out with his friends yesterday, when one approached them and asked how I was doing.

“She’s good,” he replies. “Hanging in there, almost done being pregnant” The usual.

To which he is told,

Oh. Good.  You know the dog peed on her today, right?”

Don't let the cute fool you.

Fucker.

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “The Universe has Spoken.

  1. LMAO-Love it, haha, you’ll laugh in 10 years, if you haven’t already, LOL

  2. Confused Wookie

    Yay, airport reading! Now, stop peeing in the bed and blaming it on the dog. We both know he has a stronger bladder than you do.

  3. I’m impressed you are going to take a stand on this subject (in an upcoming post). Looking forward to reading it.

  4. LMFAO. (sorry you got peed on). And it’s always nice to learn something through your spouse’s FB friends. Happens to my husband all the time 🙂

  5. Pingback: At least I had CLOTHES on. « Pandemonium

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