I’ve written before about how growing a human being has an uncanny ability to suck out my ability to write coherent blog posts and think coherent sentences. And that hasn’t changed. I have things to write about, sure, but actually getting them written? I sit down and try and my brain says ” Fuck this, lets have pie instead”.
Add to the fact that my laptop is officially dead, at least to the internets, and the chances of me waddling my ass upstairs daily to write posts that won’t make sense to anyone but me are pretty nil.
Seriously, I can’t even play videogames, and they do all the thinking for you. (and we know how much I love my videogames.)
I’ve been reduced to playing with an imaginary farm, and even that, I’m doing in the most uncreative way possible. I plant the same crops on the same field at the same time, every day. And that’s all I can handle right now.
So when recently prompted to play pretend with my children, the best I could come up with was this:
Here kids. It’s a sheet house. Yes, I know you have to army crawl to get inside of it. Yes, I know all I did was tuck a sheet in to the corners of the couches. Why didn’t I at least get a kitchen chair, you ask?
Shut up, that’s why. And bring me pie.
Fortunately the little kids, and a dog, were amused for awhile by this sad attempt. The big one, however, was not fooled, so I turned to my handy dandy parental attention backup.
Go-go-gadget Rock Band.
Thanks to whoever made Rock Band 2 with a “No Fail” setting. Just… seriously, thanks for that.
When video games lost the power to amuse, we pulled out the big guns. Amusement parks:
Alright everyone, try not to look like it is 104 degrees. And can’t we put a bigger kid in front of Mommy?
Five minutes later:
Fuck it, it was hot. And getting splashed by people going on the ride is actually wayy more fun than actually going ON the ride, right?
If you can, note the facial expressions here.
I spent the entire time waiting for them to get done in the splash zone myself.
Pay no attention to the wet, waddling pregnant woman with the pie.
We didn’t even attempt to do Disney this time around, which is probably a good thing as this was all the lines and people and hotness I we could take.
So then, I used backup number two: Grandma. Grandma took them shopping, and we all trekked to the beach. But since most of those pictures involve me in a swimsuit, which no one needs to see, I will spare you the experience. Suffice to say, it was also hot, plus sandy. And there were some warnings about not swimming, but who listens to warnings?
Obviously not the girl being rescued after having been swept away by undercurrents, as we trekked to the bathrooms afterward.
Despite that, we did have fun. Despite many conversations that started: We all have sand in our crotch, dear. Just accept it as a reality for now. Think un-sandy thoughts.
When we ran out of money, we resorted to one of the best investments we have ever made, the 99 dollar kiddie pool:
Hmmn. what was I talking about? Oh yeah… pie.