It’s recently come to my attention that there is, in fact, a whole world outside of the confines of my head. People out there doing stuff. Caring about stuff. Maybe I should talk about some of that stuff, I thought to myself.
Except I have no idea what any of that stuff is.
So, I turned to the ever helpful Internets for my answer.
Internets, I said, What are the people caring about these days?
Well, there’s a LOT of sports going around. No, not Sporks. Sports. Several of Googles top trending topics involve Pro Football Talk, said the Internets. And apparently some football guy named Tom Brady got married.
Football? I said, Is that the one with the uniforms, and the ball shaped ball?
Sigh, the Internets sighed. How about this “No Easter egg hunt this year” thing?
The very same.
Oh. Um. It’s crappy and in bad taste. And the guy who made it is pretty fucking stupid for sending it out. You know, being a politician and all. Next?
Some chick got lots of piercings? She’s being called the “Most Pierced Woman” The Internets point.
I’ve got more metal in my fillings. Yawn.
Ok, How about this woman whos been married 23 times? She has a Guinness record, apparently.
All that divorcing sounds like hard work. I barely survived one divorce, I can’t imagine dealing with 23 ex-husbands. Also, like how I managed to bring it back to me there?
What about the new discovery of the increased risk of developing tardive dyskinesia when taking certain…
Internets, I’m going to stop you right there. We all know I’m not allowed to google health problems anymore, and besides, I’ve probably taken every medication ON that list so..*twitch* Shit! See! This is why I don’t pay attention to other stuff!