This was taken on New Years Eve, and about sums it up. I look, and feel, like crap, but I’m smiling anyway. Sort-of. Most of the time.
I have had several people tell me that I am brave and handling it all so well, between The Sick and The Kids. (*Waves*) Honestly, I’m really not. I am, as in the picture above, “faking it.” I mean, as I keep telling people, I’m “Hanging in There.”
I’m about ready to make that a sign and hang it around my neck.
I know that it is not easy for the people around me to know how to handle the situation. I get annoyed because people treat me strangely sometimes. A friend of mine, one of the few people in my real life I can actually be candid with, asked me the other day,
” Well, how do you want to be treated then?”
I had no answer for her. because I really didn’t know.
But I have had some time to think about it, and I think I’ve come up with some answers.
I wanted to be treated the same, but different.
I know. Makes no sense.
The thing is, I would like people to remember that I am still me, and not a completely different person. But also to stop tiptoeing around the issue or pretending it does not exist. It does exist. It is a part of me now. And it’s a real issue. Denial isn’t making it go away, believe me I have tried.
My mother, for example, keeps telling me to just do yoga and all will be well. Not really helpful.
I’d also like for people to stop asking me if I am “Feeling better”, which is also incredibly unhelpful. I am not really ever going to feel better. (It’s much different than, “How are you feeling?”, which I am okay with.)
And I welcome advice, if you have any, on pain management or ideas for getting the rest of me as healthy and fit as possible, and I am grateful to have it. Also advice on dealing with diabetes, physically and mentally, will be useful. I’m freaking out about that a bit.
Ok, so I’m on a roll with the depressing shit lately, but I promise, entertainment that wont make you want to /wrists shortly. The dogs are bound to eat something funny soon.