After I wrote this, someone was kind enough to point out that I had forgotten several choice incidents. So, in the interest of full disclosure here, and because I don’t think I can possibly lower your opinions of my balance and walking prowess, here you go:
When I was a kid, I stepped on a stick. The stick swung up, hit me in the leg and lodged 2 inches into my calf. It took my mom (and various doctors) months to get the splinters all out. It was old bamboo, if you need to know.
On the way out of a friends house, I tried to jot out the door quickly so as not to let her cat out and ended up missing a step, and landing on the inside of my ankle, twisting it outward. I was on crutches for weeks after that one.
One day, I stepped on a piece of glass. Thinking it a small splinter, I pulled it straight out, not realizing it was curved like a hook. Blood everywhere, and several stitches that time.
I dropped a can of green beans on my foot.
I hit myself in the head with part of the metal Kirby vacuum cleaner, and bruised my face.
I’m told I closed a car door on my head once, but I don’t actually remember this, perhaps due to the concussion.