I’m a Klutz, Okay?

I hear people all the time, well, O.K, not hear, exactly, since I don’t actually talk to people in real life, but I see people all the time, talking about how clumsy they are.

You are not clumsy.

No. You are not clumsy. You may bump into things occasionally, or whatever. Fine. I grant you that. But, in a contest of who is the biggest klutz? I win.

What’s that you say? You would like me to elaborate? You would like me to share with you all those embarrassing stories of things I have done to myself over the years that prove just how accident prone I am? Why, sure! Anything for my readers.

First: I broke my ass.

Yes. I.  Broke. My.  Ass. And not doing any kind of cool extreme gymnastics or anything. I broke my ass taking out the trash.  Granted, I was drunk, and I was wearing boots with four inch heels, but still. I broke my ass. When I finally got over the embarrassment,  and went to get an x-ray, two days later, the doctor showed my, right on the big light box, how broken my ass really was.

As a side note, this was a few days before my wedding.  Wearing a wedding gown and sitting on a ‘roid pillow. Hot.

Oh, well, you think,  anyone can break their tailbone. Give us more.

I closed my hand in the garage door. Flattened three fingers.

Then about a week later, I dropped a five gallon bucket of paint on one toe.

When I only walk into, stub my toe on, and bruise my hips bumping into things,  I consider it a good day.

Just this week alone, I grated my thumb in a cheese grater and spilled boiling water on myself.

I win!

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1 Comment

Filed under Rants, Rambling, and Musing., Stories From the Past, Things That Suck

One response to “I’m a Klutz, Okay?

  1. Pingback: An Addendum to the Klutz Post « Pandemonium

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