If you have no idea what this stuff is for, consider yourself lucky. Also, you are about to be educated. After my last doctors appointment, I was presented with a package of fun tubes and slides, for another round of “What the fuck is wrong with you this week” testing. I was going to do this all in private, and tell no one about it ever, but then I read the instructions, and I couldn’t not share them with you. It would be wrong of me to keep this to myself.
So lets check out: “How to Collect Poo, in Eight Languages!”
Click to enlarge.
That sad face was also on the little vials. In case you feel the urge to drink the poo you have collected, please don’t, as it will make you make that face. I also like how they thoughtfully drew a little turd in the toilet illustration. Also, do not let small children play with Poo.
Feel free to enlarge that and read the list of ” Don’ts” My favorite is the one warning you not to shit directly into the tubes. In case you are confused about where you SHOULD shit, refer once again to the happy illustration for acceptable places.
Yes, that last one appears to be a bowl and a Tupperware container.
Fortunately, I had the foresight to ask for this thing this time around:
I highly suggest that should you ever have to do this in the future, you ask for one of those things. It seems to be called a “hat” for whatever reason. I did not get one of these last time and was left with a fun dilemma. Ended up going with trash bag over toilet seat, which I do not recommend.
All in all, it’s an extremely humiliating experience, but at least the instructions are entertaining.
The next person that asks me “How was your day?” is going to regret it.